But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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