why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we're making bets on your personal life
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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