You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
