We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
