So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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