I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
