Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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