My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
