How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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