Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
