so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
