I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
