vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
