you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize