Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
