I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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