I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
