What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
