Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
