why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
