would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
