we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
