I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
