please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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