i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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