i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Reggie can tackle my bush.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
