i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
