if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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