that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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