Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
