Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
