You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I will be naked everywhere
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
