When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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