he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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