ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
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