Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
