My room smells like vodka and shame
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
