Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
