My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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