if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
