her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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