the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
