If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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