He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
