I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
