R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
