you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
