He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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