Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
There's even glitter on my cock...
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