FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
