I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
