Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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