i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
