I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
