If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
