You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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