How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
