Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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