Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
