Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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