I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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