I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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