Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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