We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
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She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
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No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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